|New Books I've read...
||[Jul. 14th, 2009|11:14 pm]
This is the first summer in 13 years that I haven't worked. bizarre, I know....I'm doing something useful with it all.
Thus far I have quit smoking. today is the completion of day 20.
I have joined a gym and developed a bit of a routine that kicks my ass without making me bitter and angry. With the quitting, I realize I can now actually breathe when I run/move. Go figure. This is the summer to get my body under control and get healthy.
Quitting smoking was stupid hard. I don't think there is anything quite like it. Many people have many of the same issues but I think it's a personal journey for everyone. For me, it was a constant choice. I didn't want to quit when I got pregnant, because then I would be forced to do it. I didn't want to use any aids because i didn't want to spend one more dime on the dirty habit. I didn't want to put it off because that's just such a bad precedent - why not start saving my life as soon as possible?
Michael and I quit together, cold turkey. I smoked my last on the last day of school. I actually smoked like a fool that night. My husband went to bed early, and I stayed up until 1145 or so. I smoked my last on the couch, struggling to stay up to smoke as many as I could before midnight. I'm not sure I totally appreciated that last drag. I truly miss it.
The first few days, the cravings were out of control. Every single minute was a challenge. I talked to anyone that would listen and for the first time since my wedding, went over my allotted cell phone minutes for the month - a week before my plan reset. It was painful and it made me more than grumpy. My whole world was about it for three days. then the withdrawal started to change a bit. Feeling a bit accomplished and proud of myself for lasting longer than I have without a cigarette for the last decade, I was cheerful. Singing and dancing around the house, I stayed busy and productive. Then the bitterness and irritation hit. Michael and I started fighting and have barely stopped. I still want to smoke every half hour or so, but most of my cues/triggers have been defeated. I've relearned how to drive, watch a movie, drink a cup of coffee, play poker, have a beer without a smoke in my hand. Now, I want one like I want to go to Christy's and close the bar singing to Johnny Cash. It's just not something I can do anymore...and it's sad, like losing a friend. But, in the end, like those select friends that were a bad influence, I'm better off without them.
I had surgery today. For a while I've been rather concerned about the whole pre-cancerous business. I had some abnormal cellular growth that refused to go away. It's been lurking and progressing for the last two-three years...today they lasered it right out. The anesthesia was an interesting adventure. I've never been put under before. Nor have I had an IV. Today was a day of firsts:) All went well except that I wasted the rest of the day sleeping. I don't know what happened - I came home, was reading, and then all of a sudden it was 5pm. Ah well.
I'm also working on saving some money (again something quitting can help us with). I want to have a baby and before I can do that I have to buy a house. I'm ready for my life to get moving.
And finally, I'm planning on reading like crazy all summer. While there are definitely activities to fill every day, I am also fitting in some quiet alone time now and then.
Thus far I've read a few different books...
Goodnight Nobody - Jennifer Weiner
Breaking Dawn is next all by Stephenie Meyer
Manslation - Jeff Mac
Trust Me - John Updike
Why We Suck - Denis Leary
I plan to grow that list as quickly as possible. Any recommendations are welcomed.
Also, I think I'm back to livejournal - after a LONG hiatus. I miss writing and letting my thoughts ramble. Hey, it's summer - I've got time;)